What am I to you?
by dream2bawrtr
Summary: Ana is Christian's employee and has worked for five years at his company. They have a good professional relationship. One that every employer/ employee would envy. One night, after a long day at work, Ana asks him a very delicate question. Will he be truthful or will he lie? / Three-shot, and this short-story is set in an Alternate universe. (A/U)
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own FSOG**

**Note: This is set in an alternate universe. (A/U)**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_**What am I to you?**_

...

* * *

...

"What kind of feelings do you have for me?" she asked, making his throat dry in an instant." Tell me the truth"

Christian did not expect this question from his employee. He and Ana had a very good professional relationship. There was no one in his whole empire who he trusted more than her. He even trusted her with the company's secrets, and the last thing he wanted was to mess up their professional relationship.

The answer to her question was: "I'm in love with you, Ana"

Simple, right? Well, no. It was _not_ **that** simple.

He was indeed utterly and deeply in love with her... had been for a while now. Christian loved everything about her. To him, Ana was beautiful inside and out. Even when she had told him about her dark past, Christian loved her. However, he couldn't allow himself to ruin their relationship. She meant too much to him.

'Don't mess things up, Christian' he scolded himself.

So, even though he wanted to tell her the truth, he couldn't. He couldn't afford to lose Ana...

"Well?" he heard her say, while impatiently tapping on his large desk with her manicured nails.

He was absolutely speechless. That never happened, but this woman, whose first name he adored so much was the first to make him lose his cool.

Nothing in the world could've prepared Christian for the question that Ana had just asked.

At the moment he was panicking like crazy! In every situation, he was usually the only one who was calm. Even during the most hectic and stressful situations, he was the picture of calmness. But not today! Today, Anastasia Steele made him panic.

Before she had asked that delicate question, he had a calm look in his eyes. But after hearing the question, you could see panic in his eyes.

"Seriously, Christian?" he heard Ana say, while she narrowed her eyes." Are you _not_ giving me an answer?!"

He wanted to reply, but he really didn't know what to say right now. She had asked for the truth, but he was pretty sure she didn't want to hear it.

She couldn't love a broken man like him?! No, he was certain that she could not.

Christian was afraid that the truth would scare her away.

He had gotten so close to her... She had opened up to him about her private life, and vice versa. So no, he couldn't tell how he truly felt. That would ruin everything!

It would break him, if she would pull away from him now.

In his opinion, there wasn't a good enough reason to be truthful. And there were a dozen reasons to lie.

So, that's why he decided to lie to Ana...

"Friendship of course" he said, while attempting to ignore how his heart pounded against his rib-cage." I've got your back and you've got mine, remember? We are friends and we also have a wonderful professional relationship."

It hurt him so badly to lie to Ana, but he felt that he had no other choice. He believed he would lose her eventually, if he told her the truth.

When Ana heard his answer, she felt her heart drop inside her chest. It felt like someone stumped on her heart, breaking it into a thousand pieces. It hurt her so much, but seconds after he said those words, Ana saw something that gave him away. She had gotten to know Christian very well these past two years, and she had discovered that he had a tell, when he lied.

'Did he just fucking lie to my face!' were the words that bounced inside her head, while gripping her phone so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

'How the fuck could he lie to me?!'

Asshole...

In just a few moments, her sadness had been replaced by anger. As she locked eyes with him, she assumed that the truth was probably too hard for him to face.

"Ana?" he said, and stood up." Are you OK?"

'Fuck you' was what she wanted to say.

But instead, Ana cleared her throat and nodded." I'm fine... good night, boss. See you tomorrow"

It became too painful for her. She grabbed her GUCCI bag, and walked out his office.

Christian stood frozen at his spot for a few minutes. Everything happened so fast, and he was just taken aback by her reaction. He didn't expect her to be angry at him! And boy, she looked fucking PISSED.

He shook his head and decided to follow her. He walked towards the window and saw that snow was falling heavily.

"Damn it, Ana!" he muttered under his breath.

The clothes that she was wearing weren't going to keep her warm.

"Taylor, get the limo ready." he told the head of his security detail, after dialing the number.

Christian was afraid that she was going to get sick, so he grabbed two coats from the rack. He had no idea where to look for her, but he had to try.

After calling her, Christian found out that she had left her phone on his desk. Guess she was so angry at him that she forgot it.

FUCK.

Well, there wasn't another way. He had to go look for Ana, and fix things between the two of them.

* * *

Ana had been walking for a while, when she began to feel the cold. It was snowing a lot and she just realized that she wasn't wearing warm enough for this kind of weather. She saw a coffee shop and decided to drink a cup of coffee to warm her body up. Ana took a seat at one of the booths, and then ordered some coffee. At one point it became too much for her heart to take, so she finally let her tears flow. Why did she have to feel more?!

He was a good boss, respectful and kind. One she didn't want to lose.

But the problem is that she felt more than friendship for him... and that made things so complicated for her.

All of a sudden she was taken out of her thoughts by a warm hand on her shoulder. Her heart jumped up, wishing that it was Christian.

But no. It wasn't him. It was Jose, her colleague.

"Hey, why are you here so late?" he asked, making Ana want to punch him in the face.

She was so disappointed that it wasn't Christian. However, she sucked it up, and gave Jose a fake smile." Well, what does it look like?"

It was then, when the waitress brought her the cup of coffee." Drinking coffee" she replied, and brought the cup towards her pale lips.

...

From outside the coffee shop, Christian stood on the sidewalk and watched how Ana smiled at Jose.

"Fucking Jose Rodriguez" he said, while gritting his teeth.

God... he hated that man! However, he kept him employed, because Jose was very good at his job. That's why he tolerated the man.

Lately, Christian had noticed how the man hung around Ana, always wanting her attention.

One day he even caught him smelling Ana's hair! FUCKING ASSHOLE.

But when Ana realized what her colleague was doing, she had given him a piece of her mind!

Well, after that Jose made sure to keep a good distance between himself and Ana...

As he watched Jose flirting with her, Christian's face turned red, and then pale. He closed his eyes and told himself to calm down. This wasn't the time to lose his temper! He took a couple of deep breaths and let them out slowly. The sight of Ana talking and smiling with Jose, made him sick to his stomach!

Well, he had seen enough, he decided at one point.

"Did you find her, sir?" he heard Taylor say from behind.

Christian cleared his throat, and strode towards the limo." She's fine... she's with Rodriguez." he countered, the words spoken with so much venom that it shocked Taylor for a second.

"Where to, Mr. Grey?"

"Home..." he told Taylor, and sat silently in the back of the limo.

...

Half an hour later, he was at home, and fixed himself a drink. As he thought of Ana, his phone rang aloud.

"Christian Grey, for a very bright man, you can be really stupid and clueless sometimes. Do you know that?"

It was Mia. She was shouting at her big brother through the phone.

Seriously?!

"What? Mia, have you gone crazy? What are you talking about?" he growled into the phone.

"What _I'm_ talking about? Huh? Ana of course!" she shouted into the phone." She is totally upset right now! What did you do, Christian?"

* * *

**Note: This is a three-shot.**

Thank you so much for reading.

J


	2. Her shield

**I do not own FSOG**

**Note: This is set in an alternate universe. (A/U)**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Her shield**

...

* * *

_**.**_

_**"What? Mia, have you gone crazy? What are you talking about?" he growled into the phone.**_

_**"What I'm talking about? Huh? Ana of course!" she shouted into the phone." She is totally upset right now! What did you do, Christian?"**_

"How do you know about that?" Christian said, wondering how Mia found out so soon about what happened between him and Ana.

"Duh! We're roommates, r'member?" Mia replied." When Ana was at the coffee shop, she asked them to use their landline. She then called me to pick her up"

"Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting that you two are friends" he said dryly.

"What, you really think Ana only has _you_ as her friend?" Mia teased, making him roll his eyes, even though she couldn't see him doing it." On our way home she told me everything, Christian... how you acted like a huge jerk and all!"

"Did you see the way Rodriguez was flirting with her?! Fucking ASSHOLE" He growled, and gripped his phone tightly.

"You don't have to act so fucking jealous, you know... not like you're doing anything about it"

"I can't, Mia..."

"Bullshit, Christian." she spat, her hands clenched." Why did you have to piss Ana off?!"

At that, he took a seat on the couch." I just answered her question. That's all that I did..."

"Yeah, but you lied to her!" Mia accused." Why would you lie, Christian?"

"I lied, because I don't want to lose her, Mia" he confessed, and sighed aloud." You know me... I can not deal with all these emotions. And Ana... she uhmm... she..."

"She makes you feel good?"

"Yes" he admitted, his eyes closing." Everything will change, Mia. I'm still her boss, and I need to protect her from me..."

"She doesn't need protecting, Christian" Mia told him." Ana is a grown woman... one who knows what she wants."

"Why would she want me though?" he whispered." I'll just end up hurting her... and when that happens, I'll lose her. Not only would I lose an amazing woman... I'll also lose a great friend, and my best employee..."

"No, you won't."

"You know me, Mia... I'm not good with relationships." Christian said, and took a swig from his drink." I was engaged twice, and both times I was the one who failed to be the man they needed me to be."

"Fuck off, Christian!" Mia growled into the phone." Leila was a gold digger, and Jessica was too fucking possessive of you. She was even jealous of me, your own sister!"

"See, that's the proof: I'm not good with relationships, Mia... so, I have to keep things professional between her and me" he said in a calm tone, while attempting to swallow the huge lump in his throat. " I _cannot_ lose her..."

Mia shook her head and smiled." Christian, you're so clueless." she told her big brother." You can't ever lose Ana... You know why? Cause you already have her. All you have to do is tell her the truth, _genius_..."

And then she hung up the phone.

Aaarghh... At the moment Christian was so annoyed by his younger sister.

He growled aloud, because he knew that she was indeed making sense. However, being the stubborn man that he was, Christian decided to ignore Mia's advice.

Well, after that exhausting conversation, he needed to do something. Christian decided to go to his private gym downstairs and have a good workout. One that would make him forget those pretty, pink lips of Ana's.

God, he loved looking at her mouth, when she spoke to him.

'Stay focused, Grey! Do not ruin your relationship with Ana!' he scolded himself, and went on with his workout.

After a good hour, Christian went to his master bedroom, and decided to take a warm bath. That always helped him to relax and think clearly.

.

.

.

_**... The next day ...**_

_**.**_

Like usual, Ana was one of the first people at work. She didn't sleep well at all, and knew that she was allowed to come in late once in a while. However, she refused to let her boss be the reason for her to come in later than usual. Ana had great work ethics, and she knew that her co-workers admired her determination for the job. So, she couldn't be slacking around just because her BOSS acted like a huge fool!

The moment she took a sip from her coffee, Ana was in total work mode. There was a dead line to meet, and that was her goal for the day. She had a ton of work to do, and even skipped lunch.

Well, Jose noticed it, and brought her a sandwich. At first she refused, but Ana was so hungry, and caved at one point.

"Thanks, Jose..." she told him, and when she noticed that he wanted to hang around her office, she gave him a hint." Gotta meet this deadline you know"

Well, he certainly caught the hint, and left.

It was a little after five, when she emailed her work.

And guess who knocked on her office door twenty minutes later? Yup... it was him.

Christian.

"Good afternoon, Ana"

She looked up and locked eyes with him." Afternoon, sir" were the words that left her lips.

As she watched him lean on the door frame, Ana couldn't help but gawk at him a bit.

'He's so fucking sexy... Damn!' she thought, and then shook her head, when she realized that he was staring at her also.

"I see that you met your dead line?" Christian said, and kept leaning on the door." Keep up the great work, Ana"

"Thank you, Sir... uhmm, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go now" she said, her heart racing.

'Stop acting like a hormonal teenager, Ana!' she scolded herself.

"Of course, Ana"

She smiled at him, and grabbed her bag and coat.

"I will see you at the party, right?" Christian asked, and looked at her with longing eyes.

'She was absolutely stunning!' was what he thought right now.' I care so much about her...'

"Yeah, of course."

They were invited by a high-profile client to their annual party.

"OK, see you there?" he asked, as she walked passed him.

Ana nodded in response." Yes, boss"

As she walked towards the elevator, Ana could feel his eyes on hers. Her heart rammed against her rib-cage, wanting so badly to give him a piece

of her mind. GOD... She so wanted to call him out on his bullshit from the evening before.

However, if he lied to her face like that, he wasn't worth it!

Christian watched as the elevator closed, his eyes on her until she was out of sight. God... just being around her made him feel

like a teenager all over again. He felt really conflicted right now.

Christian was relieved that Ana didn't bring up what happened the evening before. However, there was a small part of him that wished she had.

Maybe then, he would have the guts to clear the air between the two of them.

"Sir, are you ready?" he heard Taylor say all of a sudden, taking him out of his thoughts.

The head of his security detail came out of nowhere." Yes, I am, Taylor... let's go"

...

..

**~ At the party ~**

.

.

The party was already on full swing, when Ana arrived. She was wearing a little black dress, her shiny hair up, and high heels to make her look complete.

"Good evening, Miss Steele" she heard the host say, as she grabbed a glass of wine from one of the waitresses.

"Mr. Richardson... how are you this evening?" she said, and shook hands with him.

"Well, I'm doing better now that I see you" he joked, making Ana shake her head.

"Great party, Sir." she complimented." Where is your wife?"

He told her where his wife was. So, Ana went to look for her. The couple were her clients, and it was Mrs. Richardson who Ana worked with most

of the time.

"Ana, sweetie... I'm so glad you could make it!" the older woman said, and gave her a hug.

They were chatting about work, when Ana noticed Christian.

'Fucking handsome' She thought, and gawked at him the second time for the day.

"Ana, are you listening to me?" She heard Mrs. Richardson say, making her blush hard.

Shit!

"Yes, of course, Claire." Ana said, and grabbed another glass of wine.

Christian was talking to the host of the party, and noticed that stunning creature in the little black dress.

Absolutely enchanting! As their eyes locked at one point, he smiled at Ana, raising his glass.

She reciprocated with a small smile, raised her glass and took a swig from it.

"He's a very handsome man, isn't he?" Ana heard Claire Richardson say, making her almost choke on her wine.

"Excuse me?" Ana said, her cheeks turning red.

Claire smiled widely." Your boss... he's a good looking man"

Ana was so embarrassed, but she didn't want to act dumb. She knew the older woman saw right through her.

"Oh, I agree" Ana told Claire." Very handsome"

"Aren't you gonna do something about it?" Claire asked, while giving her a curious look.

Ana shook her head in response." No, ma'am... he's my boss"

"So it's that simple, huh?"

"Yes... that simple..." Ana replied.

"I don't think so, Ana... love and life are never simple things" she told her." Life is short, sweetheart. Don't let pride get in the way of your happiness"

.

.

.

It was almost 11 PM, when Ana and Christian walked out of the ball room of the four-star hotel. The whole evening, they mingled and talked with their

clients about business. So, there certainly wasn't time to have a conversation just the two of them.

When it was time to go home, Christian offered her a ride home. At first she wanted to decline, but she saw something in his gorgeous, gray eyes.

There was a change in them, she noticed. So, Ana accepted the ride home.

However, when they walked out the building, Christian turned his face, and looked at her." Do you want to take an evening stroll with me, Ana?" he said, and grabbed her hand.

As their eyes locked, Ana's heart skipped a beat." Y-yes... that would be nice" she replied." Will Taylor be joining us?"

He shook his head in response." No, I will call him to pick us up at our destination.

Ana furrowed her brows." Where are we going?" she asked, and gave him a curious look.

"Do you trust me, Ana?" he asked, his voice a whisper, his eyes not leaving hers.

'What was Christian planning?' she thought, as her heart rammed against her chest.' The possibilities were endless'

"Do you trust me?"

She nodded without hesitation." With my life..." she replied, making his heart melt.

"Good" he said, and held her hand in hers.

"What are you plotting in that brilliant head of yours, Mr. Grey?" Ana teased, while smiling from ear to ear.

"Just trust me, OK?" He replied without looking at her." You look amazing in that dress BTW"

She smiled and said." Well, thank you, sir"

"Stop with the 'sirs', Ana" he said, and smiled widely, his eyes locking with hers.

"What do you mean by that, Sir? You are my employer, aren't you? I should be respectful"

Christian burst out into laughter, and placed a hand on her cheek.

She looked up at him in response." Christian, I don't understand... what's going on? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He sighed deeply and shook his head slowly." I don't know... I'm just following Claire's advice... I guess? I uhmm..." He began, but was cut off by a voice.

"Both of you! Hands up, now!"

Christian and Ana immediately did as the man ordered. Like always, Christian stayed calm, while Ana began to shake like a leaf.

She was absolutely terrified!

"What do you want? Here's my wallet and watch." Christian said in a calm manner.

As he talked to the man, he purposely stood in front of Ana, shielding her from the man with the gun. Anything can go wrong during a robbery, that's why he kept standing between Ana and the thug. Christian didn't care for his own well-being... at that very moment, all that mattered to him was that she had to be protected.

Ana must be safe from harm...

And while Christian thought of keeping his precious Ana safe, the man all of a sudden aimed right at Christian, and began shooting!

As they both heard the gun shots, he heard Ana scream aloud!

"Christian!"

His first instinct was to push her to the pavement, and when she fell to the ground, he used his own body as a shield against the bullets!

The last thing on Christian's mind though was her... Ana, Ana, Ana...

And then it became dark before his very eyes.

.

.

The first thing that Ana felt was something very heavy on top of her. Out of fear and shock, she didn't dare open her eyes for a few seconds. However, she knew that she had to. As her eyes fluttered open, she saw it… she saw him.

Oh God! It was Christian! He was the thing on top of her. While struggling to get up from the pavement, tears pooled in her eyes. As she managed to get on her knees, her heart ached tremendously, the pain unbearable...

Christian... no.

As her eyes landed on all that blood, a loud sob escaped her pink lips. Without hesitation, Ana dialed 9-1-1.

"Please, come quick!" were the words that tumbled from her lips." Please, it's my boss... someone sh- shot him..."

After giving the woman on the other side of the line the address, Ana hung up the phone.

"Christian, please don't... leave me" she whispered, and frantically called Taylor, her left hand grabbing Christian's. ... She didn't even realize that his hand had so much blood on it.

"I'm on my way now!" Taylor said." Try to stay calm, Miss Steele..."

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks, her hands trembling, as she waited for help to arrive...

Ana was in such a panic, but like Taylor instructed, she attempted to calm down. However, it was no use. At one point she grabbed Christian by both hands... they felt so cold in hers.

"God, please." she prayed, while tears kept rolling down her cheeks, the desperation in her voice evident and clear ." Please don't take him from me... I still have to tell him how I feel..."

As her fingers carefully trailed his cheek, Ana admired the features of his handsome face. 'No… you cannot leave me, Christian' were the words that swirled inside her head.

"Chris- Christian, you will not leave me, OK! You hear me?" she begged." Listen to me Christian Grey. I … I need you… I care so much about you… and I…"

Her voice went from a loud tone to a whisper. "I … think I… I think that I..." she began, but stopped mid-sentence.

As those words left her lips, her heart started breaking again and again. Ana was a very determined person, one who never gave up, but as the seconds passed, she felt Christian slowly slipping away." Don't leave me..."

The sight of Ana on both her knees, her hair and beautiful dress disheveled, her mascara smudged, while she talked to an unconscious Christian was absolutely heartbreaking.

It probably didn't take very long, but to Ana it seemed like ages, when the ambulance and Taylor finally arrived.

* * *

**Note: Thank you all SO much for reading and the reviews.**

**YOU ARE AWESOME!**

**Till the next one,**

**J**


	3. Tell him how you feel

**I do not own FSOG**

**Note: This is set in an alternate universe. (A/U)**

**And please read the important note at the end of the chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Tell him how you feel**

**...**

* * *

**.**

_**It probably didn't take very long, but to Ana it seemed like ages, when the ambulance and Taylor finally arrived.**_

She was still on her knees, gently cupping their boss's face.

As he watched Ana sobbing at Christian's side, and seeing his employer lying unconscious, and bloody on the pavement, Taylor had trouble keeping his emotions in check.

While swallowing the huge lump in his throat, he gently grabbed Ana by the shoulders, and attempted to help her on her feet.

However, Ana wouldn't budge...

She refused to let Christian's hand go.

"Hey, Ana..." Taylor said, while trying to lock eyes with her." Ana, look at me."

But she just was unable to tear her eyes away from Christian... the man she loved so deeply.

Then Taylor tried a different approach; he stood in front of her and made eye contact." Ana, let the paramedics do their job." he said, his voice stern.

In response, she shook her head furiously." I can't. I can't let him go." Ana sobbed aloud." What if he needs me, I can't let go of him."

Taylor held her tightly, as her tears kept flowing." He will be OK, Ana.. Christian Grey is a fighter. He will make it!"

He said it in such a convincing manner, and that's when she finally let go of Christian's hand...

.

.

Ana sat motionless in one of the chairs in the waiting room of the hospital. She was a mess. Her hair had fallen loose from its hair pin, her pretty locks jumping in all directions. While attempting to keep it together, she was being plagued by images of Christian bleeding in her arms.

"Ana, sweetie... let's go get us a cup of coffee" she heard Mia say, her voice shaky.

Ana knew that Christian's sister wanted to distract her a bit. However, all she could do right now was think of Christian... and what happened to him.

"Get one f-for me?" Ana replied, trying with all her might not to fall apart.

"OK" Mia said, and walked away.

And there Ana was, sitting in the chair, lost in her thoughts.

Christian couldn't leave this world yet. This world still needed him. His parents, his sister and brother... they couldn't lose him!

"And me" she whispered, while feeling an unbearable pain shoot right through her heart and soul.

She needed him too.

As her eyes landed on her hands that were rested on her lap, Ana noticed that she still had dried blood on them. Oh God! Her dress, her black dress had Christian's blood on it too!

Well that was it. It became too painful for her...

Her heart couldn't bear it any longer. In a flash, Ana fled from the waiting room. As she ran away, she bumped into Elliot and Grace.

"Hey, Ana?" Grace asked, her eyes teary, while gripping Elliot's forearm." Where are you going, dear?"

"I… I have to go." She replied, while frantically wiping away her tears." S- sorry, ma'am"

Ana couldn't stay. She felt like an invisible force was trying to strangle her, and all she wanted to do was run.

Run Ana, run! Run!

At one point she was out of the hospital, and grabbed a cab, her whole body trembling, her heart beating erratically.

The second she stepped inside of her luxurious apartment, Ana closed her eyes and leaned against the door. At that point her knees gave out, and she sank onto the hard floor.

Ana felt so fucking guilty...

A voice in her head shouted.' It's your fault that Christian's dying! He was protecting YOU. He was purposely standing in front of you, shielding you from those bullets! It's your fault! Your fault, Anastasia! If Christian dies, IT IS YOUR FAULT!'

.

.

**~ Meanwhile ~**

.

Pain, pain. Oh God, the pain. In the distance, Christian heard sounds… incoherent sounds. He did his very best to try to place those sounds, but with no success. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't. Where was he? He was surrounded by darkness and pain. It was also cold… so very cold. Why was it so cold?!

Those were the things Christian felt, as he desperately tried to gasp for air. But it hurt so much to even breathe! God, it hurt. Once more, he tried to open his eyes and see, but something was holding him down. Some invisible force was keeping him in the dark. From afar he heard people shouting and he also felt hands on his chest and stomach. As their words reached his ears, he concentrated on listening what they were saying. But his mind wasn't able to do its job properly. To him, it seemed like they were talking gibberish.

After giving up attempting to open his eyes, he wrestled with his mind. What happened? How did he end up here, surrounded by darkness and pain?

As his mind brought him back in time, bit by bit he remembered. Oh God, Ana! Yes, now he remembers… he was shot!

Christian sucked in a deep breath, but the moment he did, he felt that gnawing pain in his chest and stomach.

As a tear rolled down his cheek, he gasped softly." Ana… Anastasia. Where is… I have to… protect… Ana, I need to… protect her."

"Doctor, the patient is awake!" he heard a nurse say.

"How in the… How is that possible?!..." the anesthetist said, but was cut off by his colleague.

"Don't just stand there! Help the man! Sedate him now!" the surgeon shouted, and tended to Christian.

His eyes were open and he was fully aware of his surroundings. Christian then grabbed the doctor's hand.

"Tell me… where is she?"

As he felt a needle pierce his skin, he knew that he was being injected by the anesthetist. He desperately fought to stay awake. He had to hold on for her. Ana...

Christian frantically tried to stay conscious, but he felt himself slipping away into the darkness again...

.

.

It has been more than three weeks since Christian was injured. Three long weeks, Ana had been sitting next to his hospital bed. After her initial shock and the guilt, she didn't want to go to the hospital. But at one point the need to be close to Christian became stronger than her guilt and fear. The first few nights, she didn't even want to go home to sleep or shower. She wanted, no **needed** to be there when he woke up. Ana needed him to see her first, when he opened his eyes.

Taylor and Mia practically had to force her to go home to get some proper rest. She finally did go home for a few hours, because Grace promised her to stay with him till she got back. But even after a warm shower and a few hours sleep in her own bed, Ana felt the emptiness in her heart. She felt empty and lonely. All she needed was for Christian to wake up. He just had to do that one thing for her; then everything would be okay again. Just that one thing, and her world could start turning again.

In the meantime, Taylor and Mia tried to distract her with fun things to do. However, Ana refused, shook her head stubbornly every time and sat quietly near Christian's hospital bed. They tried to help her get her mind off of him, but they failed miserably cause she kept declining. Her mind was set on Christian's recovery.

Christian. Christian. Christian... He was completely consuming her mind and heart.

.

.

It was ten past nine, when Taylor drove Ana to the hospital. The doctors said that Christian had a good chance to heal completely; he just needed time.

"Mia and Elliot are going bowling tonight. Do you wanna go with them?" Taylor said, while he drove, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

He didn't get a reply from her though.

In response, he quickly tapped Ana on her upper arm. Well, that caught her attention.

"Sorry, what did you just say, Taylor?"

Without looking at her, he simply said." You know what you should do right?"

Ana furrowed her brows in response." Do what? What are we talking about?"

He shook his head, and smiled." When he wakes up, you should tell him how you feel."

Ana was absolutely speechless for a few minutes. She did NOT expect Christian's security detail to be that blunt. "I don't know what you're talking about, Taylor..." She lied.

"So you are going to sit there and tell me that you don't have any feelings for our employer?" he questioned." Really? You don't have any feelings whatsoever for our boss, Christian Grey?"

In response, she closed her eyes and let out a breathy sigh." I don't know how to call it. Or what this is, OK?" Ana tried to explain." And I don't want to talk about it. Not with you anyway… but now that we're talking about it. Let it be clear that he and I are friends. He's my boss and friend. Got it? Our feelings are platonic. Well, his feelings for me are platonic. Nothing going on between us, Taylor..."

Taylor couldn't help but chuckle, because Ana said what she just said in one breath." Do you expect me to believe that, Miss Steele?" he insisted." I saw how you two acted and looked at each other at Richardson's party. If you call that platonic then my name is Snoop Dog..."

Well, what can Ana say to that?

.

.

When they arrived at the hospital, Ana hastily jumped out of the limo and mumbled a thank you to Taylor without even looking back. She was so busted!

As he watched Ana walk in the direction of the entrance of the hospital, he shook his head and whispered." I really don't know what to do with those two."

He then started the limo, and drove away. Christian and Ana were so into each other, anyone can see that. However, Taylor had a feeling that it was not going to be easy for either one of them to confess anything at this point.

.

.

.

Approximately ten minutes later, Ana walked into the hospital room and looked at Christian. She sat next to him and sighed deeply. For weeks now she had the urge to take his hand in hers, but she was too scared. She didn't know exactly what she was afraid of, but Ana was afraid. Maybe she was scared of expressing her feelings for him. She knew that if she took that step, she couldn't go back.

So instead, she just watched him. Like usual, Ana grabbed a book from her bag and began to read to Christian. Her voice was soothing, and it seemed like he was really listening. After the first story of the day, Ana smiled and asked." Did you like this one?"

He didn't answer, and that pained her so. With an unbearable ache in her heart, Ana observed Christian like many times before: the soft hair and pale face; those closed eyes, that strong jawline, those hollow cheeks, and those lips...

Aahh... Those kissable lips.

As a sigh escaped her lips, her mind brought her back to the evening of the party.

Before they were attacked, Christian had this 'look' in his eyes. He looked at her in a manner so unfamiliar to her. It seemed like he was about to kiss her? And maybe tell her how he truly felt about her?

Well, now she will never know.

All of a sudden, tears pooled in her blue eyes. It hurt so much to see him like this. She was used to him being the strong one. He was the strongest of all of them. Her heart ached, because there was nothing she could do. Nothing! She felt so powerless and that was something she hated more than anything! It all became too much for her at one point, so she grabbed his hand. Ana wanted him to know that she needed him. And she also needed him to know that she was going to fight whoever or whatever was keeping them apart. She then intertwined their fingers and brought his fingers to her lips. One by one she kissed them, while she let her tears flow.

Now that the dam broke, she did it all. Ana gently ran her fingers through his short hair, her eyes falling shut. It felt so good to feel his hair on her fingertips. Next on her list was his cheek; she slowly caressed it with the back of her hand, making her happy and sad at the same time.

As Ana sat by Christian's bedside, she really wished that she could do these things, while he was awake. But that's just the thing; he wasn't awake! He was still unconscious! He was still not reacting to the outside world!

At one point, the pain became too unbearable for her." Christian, I need you to wake up! Don't you know how much I need you?" she whispered, their fingers still intertwined." I know that you did everything in your power to protect me. But now that you have, please come back… come back to us. Come back to me! I love you, Christian Grey"

While hot tears streamed down her face, Ana kept pleading, but he still didn't budge. So... she gave up at a certain point.

As a sigh escaped her plump pale lips, she closed her eyes, all the energy drained from her body.

And after a while, Ana fell asleep with Christian's hand still in hers...

* * *

**Note: Thank you for reading my work and reviewing! **

**And I'm sooo sorry guys, but I got carried away and this 3-shot has turned to more. **

**So I have a question for you: End it here, and make a sequel? Or continue with more chapters?**

**I will update this story every Friday till it's finished. :) **

**Thank you in advance. **

**Laterzzz, **

**J**


	4. That one step

**I do not own FSOG**

**Note: This is set in an alternate universe. (A/U)**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**That one step**

...

* * *

.

Ana had gotten used to working, and sitting by Christian's hospital bed. Those were the two things she did these last few weeks. It had become her routine. Now and then she went to see Grace and Carrick at their mansion.

It was on one of those occasions when she saw Taylor at their home, and he offered to train her. Taylor used to be in the army, and had offered if Ana wanted to learn some self defense techniques.

She gladly accepted, because she wanted to be able to defend herself. So, once a week while visiting Christian's parents, she had a two-hour session with Taylor.

He was brutal! However, Ana pushed forward because she wasn't the kind of person to give up, when she had started something. At times, she felt like her arms and legs were about to fall off of her body... Taylor was a beast, and didn't care if she was a newbie at fighting/ self defense.

It's like he became another person, when he was in the gym. But the upside was that Ana became a beast herself!

She really enjoyed the sessions with Taylor, and even looked forward to it every week.

Besides that, there was nothing that could distract Ana from Christian.

She missed him so much, and prayed for him to get better and wake up. The last few weeks, Ana felt like she was on auto pilot.

At one point she ate so badly that you couldn't call it eating anymore. It was more like swallowing, cause she wanted to be at Christian's hospital bedside as soon as possible. She had lost a lot of weight; that was a fact. Also, she didn't look herself anymore and everyone around her noticed it.

Taylor and Mia even planned an intervention, but they couldn't seem to let her sit down and talk to her about it. Even Grace did an attempt, but that was a complete FAIL. They all wanted Christian to wake up for two reasons now; 1. So they could have him back in their lives. And 2. Cause they wanted Ana to look and be her old merry self again.

Not only did they miss Christian, but they also missed the old Ana...

So, what happened on that rainy Tuesday afternoon came as a blessing and a gift from above.

Ana just had gotten into a cab, after she had finished an important deal with a new client, her mind drifting off to the party on the night Christian was shot.

She remembered how Christian had looked at her from across the ball room, and had raised his glass to her. She remembered how he looked at her, when she took a stroll with him. He had a look in his eyes that took her breath away. He looked at her like she was something precious, something incredible. She _must be _mistaken, cause Ana knew that he didn't think of her that way. She was his employee, and nothing more…

It was then, when she was taken out of her thoughts by her phone.

"Hello." She said.

On the other side of the line she heard Mia yell and say incoherent sentences.

"Mia, why are you yelling?" Ana said into her phone." Calm down and tell me what's going on... please"

She kept yelling though and it was so hard for Ana to understand anything. At one point, she heard another voice. It was Taylor.

"Ana... great news! He's awake!" she heard him say, his voice breaking cause of the emotions.

At first, she couldn't believe her ears. As reality set in, her fingers began to tremble, her throat closing up.

"Seriously?" Ana whispered." He's awake?"

"Yes, Ana... will you be joining us soon?" Taylor asked.

In response, she let out a deep breath, and cleared her throat." Yeah, yeah. Of course. I'll be there soon." Ana countered." I'm on my way."

He was finally awake! Christian was awake! Oh, God. Ana had been waiting for this moment for weeks now. And now that it had happened, she had mixed emotions. She was relieved, out of her mind happy. But despite those wonderful and positive feelings, there was this little voice again in her head. The one that told her that she was responsible for Christian's situation.

'It's your fault that he's in that hospital bed! Your fault!'

The guilt was eating her up from the inside out, so instead of going towards the hospital, Ana asked the cabdriver to go the other way.

.

.

.

Six days after that, Taylor found Ana at the gym. She was doing an intensive workout, her clothes and hair soaked from her sweat. He stood in front of her, trying to make eye contact.

"Ana... Why haven't you visited Christian?"

She purposely avoided his gaze, and went on with her workout." Cant you see I'm busy, Taylor?"

"Ana..." He only said her name, the tone of his voice very disapproving.

She got up and walked to the fridge to get herself a bottle of water. After she took a swig from it, she looked Taylor in the eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it, OK? Please." She replied.

At this point, he had lost all of his patience." Miss Steele, I'm just gonna say this once. Tell me what's wrong." he demanded.

She closed her eyes, her tears flowing, her body sinking to the ground.

"I can't. I cant go see him. I cant, Taylor." she sobbed, the words leaving her lips with difficulty." I… I am so afraid. I cant. I just cant."

Taylor sat in front of her, and made eye contact." Hey. Its gonna be OK. I will go with you, so you don't have to be alone with him." he pointed out." But you have to go see him, Ana... This is what you've been waiting for, right?"

She nodded." Yes, but I…" she began, but stopped mid-sentence.

"Go, get yourself ready. I'll wait for you." he said, and squeezed her gently on her upper arm." Just tell me when you're ready to go, OK?"

She nodded and got on her feet, her whole body trembling." OK"

.

.

.

The drive to the hospital was relaxing. Taylor told her that Mia was the first one to see Christian awake.

"She was crying, yelling and jumping up and down in the hospital room." He told Ana, while a smile graced his face.

In response, Ana chuckled and nervously tapped with her fingers. After 20 minutes, the limo stopped in front of the hospital.

"We're here." Taylor said.

She looked at him, panic and fear written all over her face." Taylor, I cant. I just… I really cant."

"You'll be, OK. Come on." He said calmly.

She then let out a deep breath and stepped out of the limo. As she walked inside the hospital, her heart pounded against her rib cage. She desperately wanted to see Christian, but her guilt was consuming her from the inside out... once AGAIN.

However, she pushed forward. Even though she was terrified, Ana found the courage to walk behind Taylor.

Everything was fine, until they reached the elevator. She nervously tapped with her heels, gripping her purse so tightly that her knuckles turned white. The air-conditioning was on, but to her it felt like she was in a sauna.

Taylor saw her reaction and furrowed his brows. "Are you okay, Ana? You're not gonna faint on me, are you?" he asked in a worried tone.

Ana shook her head in response, and held tightly onto him. "Taylor, I don't know." She said, her eyes welling up.

"I don't know if I…" she tried to explain.

"Do you need a glass of water?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine. I will be fine. Lets just go to him." she said, while closing her eyes.

As Ana attempted to hold on to the tears, she cleared her throat. "I am terrified, but you're right. I not only have to see him, but I need to see him. I… I need to…" she said in one breath.

Taylor nodded and squeezed her hand lightly in encouragement.

"Breathe, just breathe, Ana..." He advised her, and gave her an encouraging look.

She did as he instructed, making her calm down a bit. 'Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.' she chanted in her head.

The elevator dinged and they stepped out on the 15th floor. Ana knew that she was getting closer… to him. She, Anastasia Steele, was about to see him. The man who risked his life for her. The man who made her feel safe with one single look, one single smile, one single word.

Dadum, dadum, dadum. Her heart was beating faster and faster. Mixed emotions washed over her at one point. After waiting impatiently for more than five long weeks, she was finally going to see him awake. The doctor said that he needed time to heal. They weren't sure when he was going to be his old self again, but he had a very good chance.

When Christian was brought into the operating room that fateful evening, they weren't sure if he was going to make it through the night.

But, like Taylor said; he was a fighter! He had gone through worse things in his life.

As they reached the corner, Taylor observed Ana. 'She's doing OK, even under these circumstances.' He thought.

When they finally reached the hospital room, Ana stopped abruptly. She automatically clenched her hands into fists, her eyes locked on the door.

"Want me to go in with you?" Taylor asked, while a small smile graced his face.

Ana shook her head in response." No, I uhumm… I will be fine" she countered, her voice shaky." …I think."

"OK, I'll give you two some privacy." Taylor told her, and walked in the direction of the waiting room.

Five minutes… For 5 whole minutes, Ana stood motionless at the door. What must she say? How will he act? Will Christian be angry at her? Will he be happy to see her? So many questions were unanswered, making her feel nauseous, and worse than she already felt.

At a certain point she decided to suck it up and just go for it. "Well the only way to know is for you to go in and find out." She whispered, scolding herself.

As Ana opened the door, her eyes landed on two people. Not one, but two.

It was Christian… with someone else.

As she realized who it was, her heart dropped inside her chest, and then it broke into a million tiny pieces...

Leila.

She was sitting next to Christian's bed, holding his hand in hers. Her mascara was smudged, and tears were rolling down her face. She looked so happy, and… so did Christian.

So, here Ana was, staring at the man who she had fallen in love with. And who was he smiling at?!

His ex-fiancé.

FUCK.

Christian and Leila, like they used to be. Together… a couple. Seeing how he was holding onto Leila, made Ana's world crumble all around her. It pained her so much, seeing that Christian's ex was the one who made him smile like that.

Was Leila still in love with him? Ana heard rumors that she was a gold digger… that she never loved him. Were those rumors true?!

But more importantly, was Christian still in love with her? It seemed like she hadn't stopped loving him… maybe, just maybe he wanted to be with her again? Is that even a possibility?

As the wheels in her head kept turning, her throat closed up, sadness and jealousy flaring up inside of her. Just the thought that Christian would choose his ex over her, made Ana want to disappear. Could the ground open itself up for her and swallow her whole?!

And just as she was about to flee, she heard his voice.

"Ana…"

Just to hear his voice again, made Ana tear up, her heart aching for him.

Well, at that moment she stood frozen at the threshold of the door… and God, she really didn't know what to do.

The little voice in her head said. 'Run! Ana, run!'

"Ana" he repeated, making her finally lock eyes with Christian. And when blue eyes met gray ones, she felt her heart explode inside her chest for him.

Christian…

With a huge lump in her throat, she then avoided his gaze and took one step back.

"Uhum… I see that my timing is bad. I think I will come back l-later? Or… I uhmm, maybe I won't be coming back at all… bye" she said in one breath, her heart ramming wildly against her rib-cage, while Leila gave her a disapproving look.

Well, if anyone thought that she was done, they were clearly mistaken... Cause Ana didn't stop there.

She looked Leila straight in the eyes, not giving a fuck that the woman was giving her a deadly glare.

"Wow! You two look very cozy. Not that it's a bad thing or anything... but, this is the first time you have visited Christian in the hospital. Do you know he's been shot weeks ago?! Huh?!" Ana was pissed!

"I'm out of here... good luck you two" Ana managed to say, and turned on her heels.

She was just about to leave, when she heard Christian call her." Anastasia..."

The way he said her name, made all her anger disappear into thin air.

She then turned to face him, her body trembling, her heart about to leap outta her chest.

As her eyes landed on his gray ones, her breath caught in her throat. Cause what she saw in his eyes, made her want to run away for a whole other reason than Leila.

Frozen at her spot, Ana kept her eyes locked onto his gorgeous ones.

Christian...

Her heart rate had kicked up three notches, beating faster and faster by the second. From his bed, Christian's heartbeat also quickened erratically.

Ana...

He was afraid to scare her away, so he got out of his bed slowly.

'Don't get out of bed!' Ana wanted to say, worried about his well being. However, her vocal cords were not cooperating at all!

As Christian closed the gap between them, his throat closed up. She hadn't taken care of herself. She looked so small, fragile and slimmer than usual. God, he missed her so much!

As he observed her, he saw that she was on the verge of running away. So, step by step he walked towards her. The need to be closer to Ana was so strong. Forgotten was Leila, who silently watched as something huge was about to unfold.

Still frozen and with her eyes locked onto Christian, Ana began to shake like a leaf. Just like when he had danced with her once at a company ball.

There were so many feelings washing over her, making it almost hard to breathe. She saw how he had trouble walking, his hands clenched at either side. His wounds must hurt a lot! As he closed the gap between them, a tear rolled down Ana's cheek. Her heart ached, knowing that he probably was still in pain.

All of a sudden, he stood two steps away from her. Ana...

It was then, when her wonderful scent invaded his nostrils, making his heart weak... for her.

He greedily inhaled that familiar scent, his eyes still locked onto hers.

God! She still smelled the same. Strawberry and papaya...

There were so many things he wanted to ask and say. He wanted to tell her what he felt, when he woke up during surgery. How he asked and pleaded the doctors to tell him where she was, and if she was OK. He had been so worried about her.

He wanted to tell her that he had been scared out of his mind, thinking that something awful had happened to her. He desperately wanted to tell her that he thought that he had lost her that night. And the thing he wanted to ask the most was why she hadn't visited him that Tuesday afternoon, when he had woken up.

Christian desperately wanted to tell Ana that he missed her, and that he…

He wanted to say so much, but…the words refused to leave his pale lips.

As he kept observing her, he noticed the trail of another tear on her cheek. It broke his heart, seeing her so fragile.

Right then, he couldn't hold back anymore. He desperately wanted to pick her up and safely hide her away from the big, bad world. At that very moment, he wanted to wrap his arms around her. So, he took that one step towards her, but stopped and left a space between them. He wished that Ana would take that last step.

'Come on, Ana... Take that last step towards me. Please.' he prayed.

As he waited for her to close the gap between them, he held in his breath, his heart ramming wildly against his chest.

It was then, when Leila REALLY couldn't watch any longer what was unfolding before her.

"I'm leaving" she said, but no one reacted to her words.

Ana saw only Christian. And he only her. The rest was unimportant.

Christian, Christian, Christian... Ana, Ana

Forgotten was Leila, forgotten was the world around them.

And then Leila left.

As the seconds passed, Ana felt like she was about to faint. She knew that he wanted her to take that last step to close that annoying gap between them. However, she was so afraid, hearing that little voice again telling her to flee…

But, fortunately she was able to ignore that annoying voice.

Ana closed her eyes for a second and opened them, throwing him a glance filled with love. She desperately wanted to do as he wanted, but felt insecure.

As the seconds past, she thought of what Taylor said.' When he wakes up, you should tell him how you feel.'

He had told her to take a chance. That's when Ana realized that if she didn't take a chance right now, she would never find out if Christian and her could work.

Fear will always be there. Fear of getting hurt, fear to love, fear to let someone into her heart. But, fear shouldn't get in the way of what you want or need. It exists so it can be overcome…

All of a sudden, a sense of calmness took over her whole being. Believing that Christian would always be there to protect her from anything, made her sigh in relief. Ana was still terrified, but decided to… to just take that risk…

In her eyes, he saw something, a sudden change. She had decided to let him in! And like at that clients ball, Christian carefully reached out to her.

Ana slowly brought her hand closer to his. As the seconds past, she brought her hand closer and closer… Her fingertips brushing against his, making a current go through both of them.

'Grab my hand, Ana...' He thought.

As their fingers collided, he and Ana closed their eyes. It didn't matter where they were. It didn't matter if they were alone or not. All that mattered was the now and the here. At one point, their fingers were locked together completely. They both opened their eyes, losing themselves in each other's gaze.

It was then, when Ana decided to take that one step, closing the gap between the two of them.

Finally...

He smiled, as tears rolled down his cheeks. Then he pulled her in a warm embrace, and she held onto him for dear life.

Her face landed in the crook of his neck, and then she sobbed aloud.

"Don't you worry... I'm here and you are safe" he whispered into her ear, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up." Ana... I missed you so much"

She sobbed and hugged him oh so tightly, her heart filled with happiness and love.

"You asked me what you are to me that night, right?" he whispered, and pulled her closer." Well, I will tell you, Ana... you mean the wh-whole world to me, that's what you ARE to me..."

* * *

**Note: Thank you all SO much for reading my work. :)**

**Is this a good place to stop or do you want to read more of 'What am i to you?'**

**Thank u. YOU ARE AWESOME.**

**J**


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